Amazing & astonishing? I usually avoid words like that. They are way overused these days. To be really amazed & astonished, you must have witnessed a VERY unusual event. For instance …

I was amazed & astonished in typing class in high school in Flossmoor, Illinois, when the Principal’s voice on the public address system announced that President Kennedy had been assassinated in a motorcade in Dallas. I was thinking, “It is 1963, not 1865! How on earth could such a thing ever happen today?”

I was amazed & astonished as I walked out of the Orange Bowl late on January 1st, 1983, after the Miami Hurricanes beat the Nebraska Cornhuskers and won their first football national championship. I came to South Florida in 1971. The Canes were dreadful for my first 8 years in town. Championship? Ridiculous. But they got better. They started January 1, 1983 ranked 5th in the country. The bettors pegged them an 18-point underdog against Nebraska. And yet by the end of the day, the other higher-ranked teams all lost and the Hurricanes won by a point. Bingo. National championship. How on earth could such an incredible series of games actually happen in one day?

I was amazed and astonished when I turned on the car radio the morning of September 11, 2001. How on earth could THAT happen in this country, in this day and age?

And I am amazed and astonished today. This event will probably only get local publicity, not national or international. It probably really shouldn’t surprise me that government could do something so stupid and trust-destroying. But yet … even so, it is truly incredible to me.

Cheryl & I took a trip to see the grandkids in South Florida the last few days. On Thursday, grandson Jeremy starred in a high school play. On Sunday, granddaughter Jazmyn competed in the Florida State Gymnastics championships. So we drove 500 miles to watch & celebrate.

It was terrific. They both did great. But this article is about what happened Friday … not Thursday or Sunday.

Look … I don’t know … maybe this thing isn’t so unusual. Maybe it’s routine someplace. Maybe it’s not as idiotic as I think it is. Maybe it won’t take citizen trust in government to an even lower level. Obviously, somebody somewhere thinks it’s a good idea.

You decide for yourself.

Me? I am amazed and astonished at the monumental stupidity of a local government that would put up a new tollbooth on an old Interstate freeway (I-95 through North Miami) with a toll that is never the same. Every time you go through, you will pay a different amount. Depending on the time of day and the traffic, according to the news, the toll may be as little as $0.25. Or … as high as $6.00 And you will NEVER know, until you pull up to the booth to pay.

OK. I realize this event certainly doesn’t touch the 9/11 terrorist attacks or Kennedy’s assassination or even the Hurricanes’ first national championship as a news item. But that doesn’t make it any less astonishing or amazing to me.

Do these people not think? Putting in a new tollbooth will tick off a lot of people … for a few weeks. Then they’ll be used to it, and eventually, they’ll forget the drive used to be free. They would throw in their 50 cents or 75 cents and forget about it.

Now? Drivers will never forget. Everytime they get to the booth, they’ll be reminded when they hear they owe a different amount. They’ll have to wait in line behind traffic searching for more money, drivers who didn’t have a clue their toll would be $4.50 at THIS time of day in THIS traffic.

Government aggravates all of us at one time or another … or even regularly. I’m amazed and astonished that those who bring you higher taxes have found a way to set up their system so it is a constant in-your-face reminder of the power they have over you, spotlighting your frustration about your inability to do anything to stop them.

That same type of frustration at the arrogance of the politicians resulted in the Boston Tea Party in 1773, which many believe was the first act of the American Revolution. It’s probably not very smart to flaunt the fact that you have the power and you don’t really care whether anyone trusts you or not.

I’m really curious about this - what do YOU think? Are you amazed & astonished, or do you just see this as business as usual?

Richard Dennis

Richard Dennis

There’s no doubt it’s valuable to consider the different ways that increasing trust can improve our relationships and our lives.

But maybe the “glass half-empty” approach is worth taking a look at, too. What happens when we totally ignore trust and create distrust?

Margarethe Zelle was born in the Netherlands in 1876. Her mother died when she was 15. Margarethe answered a newspaper ad, responding to an Indonesian-based Dutch army officer looking for a wife. This connection resulted in an abusive marriage and two children, who both died young.

At 27, Margarethe, divorced, settled in Paris and soon gained international fame as an exotic dancer. In the 10 years preceding WWI, she met and romanced powerful men from many countries. Her lovers included military officers, politicians, and the German crown prince. Margarethe adopted a stage name which in Maylay meant “eye of the dawn.” She was celebrated as a great entertainer. It all seemed to work fine for her … for awhile.

Then came the War. Still legally a Dutch subject, Margarethe could freely cross all borders, because the Netherlands stayed neutral. So she did. She visited her lovers, who included military officers from both France & Germany … who were now at war with each other.

In Germany, Margarethe - stage name Mata Hari - was rumored to be a French spy. In France, she was accused and tried for treason, for being a German spy. There was never strong evidence for either case. Mata Hari may well have looked at it all as her game.

But that game quickly spun out of her control. It ended on October 15, 1917, in front of a French firing squad.

Most of us will never face a firing squad, of course. But it’s a good reminder of the emotions that get stirred up when your actions give the appearance of a betrayal of trust. It may or may not have been fact, but emotions far outweigh facts when it comes to people - let alone entire countries - who feel betrayed.

Richard Dennis

Richard

Some things, you just have to wonder about … Example:

The Federal Aviation Administration licenses pilots and approves new airplane design. When there is a crash, it’s investigated by the National Transportation Safety Board. Obviously, to have the FAA investigate the planes & pilots they tested & licensed would be a conflict of interest, because they would have to investigate their own people & their own procedures. That’s why you have a completely separate group do the crash investigation.

However … the Food & Drug administration approves new drugs. In fact, by the Prescription Drug & User Fee Act of 1992, the FDA is actually legally paid by the drug companies to get faster approval of specific drugs. When there are serious adverse reactions to a drug, the FDA is also in charge of deciding whether or not to remove the drug from the market - a drug it originally claimed to have thoroughly tested, and which it approved. And the FDA handles the entire investigation of the case & the drug company involved … a company which is paying them for faster approval of its drugs.

Now … I don’t believe we need more government. But you know this is an example of a conflict of interest. I know it’s a conflict of interest. To have any confidence that life-threatening drug mistakes will be corrected, this system should have a “National Drug Safety Board”, totally unrelated to the FDA, which investigates adverse drug reactions … just as in the air transportation industry.

When you are talking to your spouse, or your kids, or a prospect or a customer … what conflicts of interest do you have?

• What is it you feel you have to hide from them?
• What topics do you steer away from?
• Which of your actions have you justified in your mind?
• Which “hot” questions have you really prepared for, so you can send the discussion in a safe direction?

Answering these questions will help you pinpoint your own conflicts of interest which could ultimately destroy the trust you may now have with your own “stakeholders.” Once you’ve spotted the conflicts, you’re in position to create tranparency. Revealing your own conflicts of interest is a great trust-builder, because you’re telling people that you believe they have the right to know the exact truth, and you’ll leave it up to their judgment whether or not to continue in a trust relationship with you.

That is a position of confidence which is very attractive.

Plus … since you’ve revealed the truth, you don’t have to try to remember what told them.

Take care,

Richard Dennis
Work With Me

Richard

When you work or live with someone with a huge ego, how uncomfortable do you get?

They have to be the focal point. They have to be the one talking. Their ideas have to be the ones advanced. Isn’t it amusing to sometimes hear one talk about their great humility? Pretty funny, coming from a person who wouldn’t know humble if it bit them.

A leader with a huge ego to feed is a problem. And the problem is trust. When everything is about them, where is your trust level?

When they write, they refer to themselves in the 3rd person. You can actually hear them looking at themselves in awe. You wonder how can they possibly be serious?

But they are.

Getting the credit is crucial to the big ego. And that’s a real trust-killer with their group or team, because everyone wants to be recognized for what they have done.

But that leader with the big ego takes credit for what they do, and they take credit for what you do. The biggest of egos even seem to take credit for the fact that you exist; they are the only reason you are in a position to achieve anything.

Here’s the thing. If you are a leader, and your team achieves results, you will get plenty of credit. The smart leader gives out credit endlessly to those who have actually done the work … even to those who have made just a small contribution. If anything, they defer to their team, even when the credit really does go to them.

There’s an old line that you can achieve anything if you don’t care who gets the credit. That should be the mantra of a leader. When the leader focuses on getting the credit, how does that make you feel? How does that affect your trust level for that person? How does that affect the camaraderie and achievement level of the team?

Obvious, isn’t it?

Richard Dennis

You’re communicating with me, somehow, someway. There’s a reason for it. You know it, and I know it. It’s the first time. You’ve never spoken to me before.

I don’t know you. I don’t trust you. I have no comfort level built up with you.

There is an elephant in the room.

You have some agenda, and I don’t know what it is. It’s obvious you are in some way serving your own self-interest by talking to me. Otherwise, you would not have approached me. Right?

You’d better quickly show me how you are also serving MY self-interest, or I won’t listen long.

I’ve heard people say that the key to building a relationship from scratch is to go in with no agenda. But that is Pollyanna BS. If you approach me, I KNOW you have an agenda. Saying otherwise ruins your chance of gaining credibility with me.

The only way you can gain my trust long enough for me to listen to you is to give me a quick, logical, believable explanation of how our conversation will be a “win” for me, as well as for you.

And then give me the choice whether I want to continue the conversation or not. When you give me that choice, I see that you are different from everyone else. My trust in you increases. I see that you have confidence in yourself, and you’re not trying to force yourself on me.

You really only want to talk with someone who wants to listen to you. That is attractive. You’re not going to try to bully me into buying something. That is a relief. You’re not going to unleash hundreds of words without giving me a chance to respond. More relief.

So put your agenda totally out in the open. It’s got to be logical. It has to make sense to me. And it has to be apparent that it’s a win for me AND for you. If all I can see is the win for me … that’s not good enough. I know you’re not telling me everything. I know you are hiding something. You wouldn’t have started this conversation if this wasn’t a win for you. So tell me what it is. Tell me why. You need to explain all that to me, so I can evaluate whether I want to participate.

You need to get very good at quickly disclosing your relationships, your interests, and any conflicts you have. Make a point of every detail being strictly out in the open.

You can do this disclosure in layers. After each layer, give the person the option to continue or not.

In any conversation with a new person, you ALWAYS start in a low-trust situation. And when trust is low, people do not trust what they can’t see. So you have to show them. You’ve got to reveal. They need to understand and be able to picture your agenda.

Describe the person you are looking for. Tell them you are looking for a very particular person, someone with certain values, someone you can trust. “You answered my ad. I’m looking for a mate I can trust and eventually fall in love with. If you’d like to hear about my background, I’d be happy to tell you. But ultimately, it depends on what you and I think about each other. Can you trust me? Can I trust you? Without trust, there’s no future for you and me. What do you think?”

Be transparent with your goals. When you’re confusing, or you can’t give a satisfactory answer, that generally indicates to the person you’re talking to that you have a hidden agenda.

If you aren’t being transparent, that begs the question, “Why are you withholding information?” And the answer is probably that if you told the truth, they’d see it’s all in your favor, not in theirs.

So the principle is, do 100% full disclosure as quickly as possible. If necessary, structure it in layers and allow the person the chance to opt out of the conversation at any time. This is how you quickly build trust with a new person.

I appreciate you!

Richard Dennis